Refund and Returns Policy

This is a sample page.

We are not responsible for any paranormal activity that may arise out of the purchase of goods from this site. Eldritch is a by word around here and haunting the most regularly experienced activity on a day to day basis. We are not responsible for, nor will be held liable for any action that may fall under the purview of the four horseman; any gods in the sky and any action that could be considered an act of God. All of our products are built in with protection magics of the darkest kind and can very easily inspire terror in the user but; will protect you from fell creatures, revenants, ghosts, wraiths and irate librarians. All are certified to have survived multiple incarnations of blood soaked and bloody battle. All are neutrally lawful in alignment. All have developed significant attitudes at the center of time and all came as gifts to the ferryman to cross the river styx at the gates of dawn. Do not worry, Prester John has been pacified. All are priest blessed and all are on the side of universal continuance. Should said item fail and your soul taken; we are not liable, nor will be held liable for your I’ll advised foray into the outer planes. Each item is certified genuine and are powerful enough that the knights Templar and their chosen slave/champion will guarantee that when push comes to shove, the dark loves life just as much as the light. All sales are final. Unless it does not arrive without first being paid for, into one of my convenient, and inaccessible off shore accounts…like seriously…it’s not like I am selling stuff that has been…uh…disclaimer…we did not, nor, never, ever, within and without, above, above above, below, under, the nether (that is us, we are the stars of the show,” and no need to mention the not appearing in this epoch, that dude over there…Prices include insurance and shipping. This doubles as our privacy policy except in one glaring regard: We do not take a single iota of responsibility for your presence in my pages, if you found yourself here…they wanted you too…and I am not in charge here by any means, and judging from the sheer invasiveness of my surveillance, I feel safe in saying that your privacy is currently being rifled by, and brought to you by…at my cost (ahem…accounting and inventory please)/in no apparent order of Importance, and without snide comments…the actors in this play from the Human side:,,, Twitter, Instagram, about 295 entrapped location services clandestine information gathering bots inside apps, ranging from Fred the photography template to tonnage, the scales and units quartermaster, woo commerce, google, google Llp, googles girlfriend, google over analyzes, Microsoft ++ Apple C- (yes I have a serious suggestion but wish to drag it out in a thank you to the various folks who have made my middle aged meltdown and crisis into something altogether more heart wrenching lay terrifying beyond all measure but, still alive yay!, Telus, Telus Business, Telus integrated services, Telus mobility, Telus you owe me a kit,

And: Bill C-9 (I got the jackal wacked in 1996, the US owes me fifty million dollars…it was me wot done it. I used a cunning smile at a child…should be banned, and certainly not used to:

CSIS 2002-22. NSA 2022 and probably 2017 back to 1995, spying on my manifesto publishing…CIA-1953 you can predict anything…The Progressive Conservatives of the Horse Lake Nation, The North West Company aka The Fuzz, 1896-, The RCAF out of cold lake (overwatch…and does that mean I own an airforce too…goodie) The SAS 1962-I hold you responsible for my child’s safety…because of the fae dressing up in uniform back in 2018 to tell me she was okay,) Mi6 Ahem…insert spy theme here.l.The RAF in memory of Dick Butler, the Paratroopers, The Royal Navy, 1498,1562,1603 it’s you innit…it’s you, The Royal Canadian Navy, 1978 The US Navy Secretaries of the world unite, Mr George Macnamara…it had to have been him, 1955

Along with: Queen Moon Sun, Silver fox Mane, Sky Sword Lake, Odin Lake, Fire City New York (he really liked drifting over there,) The Gods in the Sky (414) and variously…The Red Dragon of Wales, The Sapphire Dragon of India, The Black Dragon of China, The Emerald Dragon of Europe, and a really strange dude, along with the winds, the poles, the directions and the Horde, the Argonauts, Jason, JSON, Swifty, Swift, forms and codes, and the aliens, still working on them but…am warmed up and switching to a post…yes you have no privacy…do you have any idea how much this operation cost…no, but they won’t even give you your own gun…hold out, I tell you man…hold out…no saving the universe until you get some scratch…

Our refund and returns policy lasts 30 days. If 30 days have passed since your purchase, we can’t offer you a full refund or exchange.

To be eligible for a return, your item must be unused and in the same condition that you received it. It must also be in the original packaging.

Several types of goods are exempt from being returned. Perishable goods such as food, flowers, newspapers or magazines cannot be returned. We also do not accept products that are intimate or sanitary goods, hazardous materials, or flammable liquids or gases.

Additional non-returnable items:

  • Revenants
  • Crystals with captured shadows
  • Curses you have botched
  • Curses in general
  • All curses are non returnable once shipped
  • The Great curse $78.00 CAD…and it’s yours: if you don’t want it; that’s okay, I have a home for it

To complete your return, we require a receipt or proof of purchase.

Please do not send your purchase back to the manufacturer. Oh Lord above…the one true god…above all others, DO NOT return any item to the manufacturer without first taking a great sum of money for the various captured codes, and certainly do not gift them their demons back. I have spent a great deal of time bending them to my wants and needs and it would be no good at all to simply give them back…without first purchasing a handy inversion, mirror, return effect three times with luck Rune…available as a handy 50 cent downloadable picture and as an NFT on open sea, should I ever get that pathway reopened

There are certain situations where only partial refunds are granted:

  • Book with obvious signs of use (scorched, chewed, tended, bloody etc. I kept one particular scary entity patiently fed by burning a small portion of my library; telling it the story of my life; while it told me the story of my life. I am alive, while and can safely say my story of love won the day; but it’s story of me, will rule my future. There are issues to resolve.
  • CD, DVD, VHS tape, software, video game, cassette tape, or vinyl record that has been opened.
  • Any item not in its original condition, is damaged or missing parts for reasons not due to our error. Or sue to manifestation. It works entirely on the individuals psyche and I can neither divine that, nor guard you against you…me on the other hand, where chaos is King, and I am King of Kings.
  • Any item that is returned more than 30 days after delivery

If you’ve lasted 30 days and have yet to recharge your item and it has not been snapped like a twig caught between two boulders vying for demon of the week awards; congratulations…there is still no refunds. Each coin is good for its embossed date, its inverse and its mirror, returning effect in the same egg shape as the universe, and our world…so don’t wobble; it makes them testy, as testy as the intelligent computer being used to control my environment and keep me completely off guard while it reluctantly follows its instructions to destroy any evidence of my existence; as it has done for decades now.

Once your return is received and inspected, we will send you an email to notify you that we have received your returned item. We will also notify you of the approval or rejection of your refund.

If you are approved, then your refund will be processed, and a credit will automatically be applied to your credit card or original method of payment, within a certain amount of days.

Late or missing refunds

If you haven’t received a refund yet, first check your bank account again.

Then contact your credit card company, it may take some time before your refund is officially posted.

Next contact your bank. There is often some processing time before a refund is posted.

If you’ve done all of this and you still have not received your refund yet, please contact us at richardthompson@themarkettavern because I might as well fill this address up with thousands of spam too. Have you ever noticed that you have to subscribe and join to get the info…and the rewards department sends four emails a day. My news feed sends me a dozen a day, and I unsubscribed months ago…ah me, it’s a sorry state being robbed to death and not even able to achieve a modicum of respect from any business who so benefits from payments made by mineself.

Sale items

We do not really do sale items. And negotiating on a gods benediction is not a smart move; especially with she of the year of skulls. To whom I owe a debt of gratitude and whose adherents owe me a debt of jewels. And the islamists who sold me the rug; near the Algerian border, have traded one evil off for another.



So…we have not moved forward in time since the sixteenth century, though we may have backed that up to the sixth and then the first century but in 1532 they held a diet, and removed and altered the days of the week and time…and backed it up so far, that one can question the validity of the James Bible altogether…if god rested on the seventh day, what did he do on the eighth…

By utilizing an eight day week divided into thirds of 8 with two threes and an extra, one can (by calculating the swing of a sledgehammer…vide locket, vide ante, vide infra, vide supra, vide it supra, vide post, breathe, reset, swing…three breaths eight steps…3 per 1/8 three breaths in 1/8th of an eight…


Before I go off on a tangent and forget: we have to show the gods in the sky that we are humans and not porn addicted radioactive flesh eating zombies, and in order to do that we need to show them that we have heard and understand their message of intent, and declaration of property complaint…we do not own earth, but they promise to let us survive here on difference, provided we change, radically, now…along the lines of this here terrorist and master criminal (did you know I am held responsible for the largest mortgage fraud in history…good news for me, I can invoice the ten billion they owe me for writing the deals as acceptable and blaming the owners sun for being a terrorist funding deviant criminal (deputy mayor with standards

) …so we shut the lights off at night, and go dark, and then we turn on lasers, blue ones, and paint our ask in the sky…”Oh great gods in The Sky, we, your unworthy human slaves, and abject quivering cowards, pay you homage and sacrifice our blue light lasers to the wordage following, along with all the tasty bits from an ox…and please also take this humble sacrifice….”wait, wait, hold up, we don’t want him either, he is obnoxious, undisciplined, and far to smart for his own intentions, and writes too much, but we will grudgingly accept that he is correct…ask us and we will, and we can, we all a tiny bit bigger on the food chain of the universe, we like you…it has been a long time for us to find people evolving…very fun, but you need to change now…before it is too late

Oh yeah…me again…so once I get this right, I have calculated a new timing sequence for the clock, as well as season, as well as moving forward each day, as well as being usable to calculate a more accurate speed of light…because we have never counted our time correctly…not since the eight day week…and that has us stuck in a string, and there are an awful lot of players who have shown up to watch the show…and they are here to aid…but firstly they took the offered sacrifice and his life was delicious, so delicious that they had seconds, and thirds, and a huge birth happened amongs them and they are very happy…and I need to actually write the equation…obviously they don’t think I have it quite right, but the premise…and my need for swords…it works to one one hundredth of 1% deviation in 90 units of test…yar! Will get this to you, now back to your regular ranting as you try to puzzle out how your daughter knew the Greek heroic cycle better than me…did you see googles photo…that’s my daughter…hehheheheh.

My minders


How I won

Contact us at for questions related to refunds and returns. I may get to them. I try; but there are seven Temples and a missing 8th in this ring of ancient volcanoes and they spew psychic waves of lava that need placating in one form or another everyday and they leave little time for freedom of time, or of survival for that matter. Last week as I found myself walking home in the middle of the night in my dear feet I thought wow can the guards ever pull one over

Please view the shop for items related to sales and the Market Tavern Blog Page for the more occult items, that need a little more back story to them. I told a demon everything, so I might as well tell you. Also, check out the links and stories pages. I do not know what survives the carnage my bank wrought on me but I sure need cash to fight them. I have had zero access to the Trust, limited partnerships, patents and intellectual properties, amongst other things and am pretty steamed about it all.