The above address and I are locked in a death duel: with one of us a skilled duellist, and the other one a half crazed mountain man who sees things and talks to rocks and twigs, and looks suspiciously like Santa Claus; extremely suspiciously: this is because my face trimmers broke four months ago and I have yet to replace them, so caught up in the drama of the moment; the moment being when ai discovered that someone had purchased one of my NFTs which made my day so much, it really did, and not just because it sold for decent monies, but it validated my mid life crisis for me.
Since November of last year, and for the first time in my entire life: I focused solely on doing something creative; because I took these photographs a few years ago, in the midst of a dark and black depression; and they stuck with me so much so that I started scheming in my head, thinking to myself…”what would you do if you had taken the most amazing photograph in creation?” And I thought pretty long and hard about it; I had little else to do, was relegated to the scrap heap of history and was surrounded on all sides with scorched earth and ruin…it was a very dark period in a very dark time; because it had spent so much time building up inside me, that when it came it literally disabled me with its tragic affect on my brain: my attention span, short term memory, are impacted all the time from the frontal lobe damage, from being traumatized 16 years ago, misdiagnosed, and totally ignored by the medical community: due to a doctors very unprofessional judgement and condemnation of my explanation for why I believed my sperm had been stolen: to which she responded that I was a liar, lying about the situation and exaggerating it; then she amended in her notes a little, diagnosed me as bi polar, and medicated me on lithium and Seroquel; that had devastating consequences….I saw the notes twelve years later, when I was beginning to suffer a psychotic break: she had added to my file that I was a drug seeking liar, making up stories, exaggerating every word I said and that no one should believe a word he said, just like the diagnosis for Bi Polar 1 is: the hyper manic delusional liar: and for the next 16 years; I was told I lacked normal coping mechanisms and did not know how to react to the normal vagaries of life: which makes me want to swear, spit, and tear someone’s eyes out…just kidding, it makes me feel queasy…because they sat there for 16 years and filled out prescriptions every month, dosing me on whatever the rep had sold them that day…my condensed medical prescription history is 13 pages long and goes back to July, 2002, when I went to the doctor with a sore back and allergies; the back due to several accidents and the allergies life long: and no other medical ailment…asthma, have asthma…he put me on symbicort; told me to take it every day, as it was way better for you than the propellant in the inhaler I used, it also cost $250.00 per inhaler: and that justified my drug plan, because even back then I eschewed the doctors in favour of alternative treatments, because I kept running into the same problem everywhere I went…immigrant doctors judging me based on their own standards and mores and ways…I am trying to be polite…I kept running into snobbery, and sneers, and high handed manner…none of them ever looked at my injuries, they said I would be fine in a few days, all they did was push non steroidal anti inflammatory dual use drugs…and never explain themselves ever…I once drove 300 miles to see a specialist, who spent the fifteen minutes I saw him complaining about the fact that he had caught himself up in a very typical scenario: refinance the downtown home for big bucks, blow a quarter million on lifestyle, sink the rest into your acreage on the outside of the city, and sell the debt off to your first home…he was stuck with both, I know that pain…different scenario though…anyway, after hearing his lament I was then told that I should stay on the couch for six months…and then I drove the 300 miles home, and went straight to work; I have never had a doctor make any attempt whatever at understanding the lives and perspectives of their customers: it is not patient doctor; it is a transaction, and you are bound by certain rules and laws when conducting a transaction: Agency…it is the representations you do or do not make with regards to your professional position in the transaction…in the case of the doctors, ethics boards and medical review panels, malpractice if it is so bad they can’t cover it up with buckets of blood first, which leads to my final point on doctors: they never back down, they never admit to any mistake; because they spend all their time in school, learning the proper words to say, to avoid any legal liability arising out of the fact..the fact, that the GPs are just guessing…and are wrong around fifty percent of the time with their first diagnosis, because they use the mass infection scale to define all things, and are really doing more to escalate the transmission of viruses in their hospitals, than they are doing to mitigate or manage the damage their pandemic has caused on the worlds economy: and when a doctor sneers, and talks about the sanctity of life: I for one will certainly say, you’d better not keep me alive in life support when I am ninety and make all the kids in the world stay home for a year, and terrify them with visions of death and destruction…like seriously, what the fuck…it is no wonder my story telling goes so dark in its tales…you’ve been thoughtless to the point of having a fake world war, with real life material and real life wounded and dead, and real life measures acts invoked: and you did it purely to terrify the kids; because it must be that…because it comes down to this: the girl I was working with, delivering mail for less than minimum wage, and paying for the right to do so…and whose costs had doubled…has been to two funerals and had an aunt or something due once the pandemic began…she has not met anyone with COVID; but was masked up and petrified…it was an economic power grab using methods and means gst are identical to invasionary war, land grabs and power struggles…and not once did any of the corporations, the organizations, the government agencies and politicos involved, not once did they reference their actions and compare them to total war. And there is a reason why there are rules of engagement. There are reasons why there are constitutions, there are reasons why there are articles to the treatment of wounded, of prisoners, of agents of the opposing sides…not that there is much opposing going on here…just jockeying for position…and making sure the power players are silenced; who needs the voice of age, or wisdom, of spiritual enlightenment, of thought, memory, and, above all, experience…in the horrors of what you all are unleashing into the world, un constrained by any governing rules…and you hide it all behind a thin veneer, called National Security: let’s talk about that for a minute:
Am pretty sure my country spies on its own citizens, am pretty sure that each level of government engages in clandestine operations, am pretty sure they’re a bright and educated lot, youngish, and comfortable with their skills level in dealing with the technology of tomorrow and it’s applications, abilities to flense the skin from your very bones…they can insert subliminal messaging into your phone feeds, on top of that being provided in the screens on screens advertisements that fill most websites domain doors; do you know how much content it takes to fill a website…No, because according to the professionals; just buy the content, all that matters is the structure…and some idiot will buy whatever you sell…I turned off that free webinar…and did the exact opposite:
When one has written a novel that one feels captures the zeitgeist of the universe on the brink of change; and terrified yourself with the sheer preponderance of terrifying elements, and throw it together in a collection of fairytales, that will really hit the spot when it comes to following the form of a true tale…one thinks to themselves…”glad your ego is coming back, but, it’s your first book and they said it should only be like 90,000 words and quit lying, you haven’t written the book yet: just the stories for the book: you’ve only got six chapters stuck together…and 149 files…which is why, I stalled: am stuck in a transition, and I don’t know whether it is one long book or two…or three,